JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
