Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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