Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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