im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
