He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
