I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
