would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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