How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
