I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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