I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
