bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize