Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
