I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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