so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
