you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
