I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
