Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
