when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How does it feel to date your dad?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
