So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
