after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
