I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
