I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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