Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
