Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
