Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
