Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
