did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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