I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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