well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
