i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
