i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
