i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize