his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
