I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
