once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
