Duck Duck Cougar?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
