I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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