Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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