i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
