Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
