Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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