i can't believe i had my finger in that
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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