I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
