i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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