i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize