First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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