In the future we'll all be gay
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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