He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
