I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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