i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How's work?
Spinning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
