Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
