there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
