Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
