Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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