We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize