She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
