He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
