It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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