She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will pee on everything he values.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
