you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
