no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
