Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How external is "for external use only"?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
