Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
