Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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