he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
