Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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