my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize