According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
