im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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