I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
