Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize