yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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